For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of Arsenal football club. There have been times where my passion for the club I love has waned as I have ambled through life one day quietly merging into the next but the allegiance was carved into the stony cage of my ribs from the day of my birth. I grew up watching Ian Wright run the premiership ragged and I have a cannon on my chest.
I won’t bore you all with the details of why I love Arsenal so much, rest assured I do. When they win, I want to run down the streets of North London naked, but for a strategically placed hat (on my head) and hug and kiss the local constabulary, the contents of my groin gently rubbing on the long arm of the law. When they lose I want to cry (have you seen a grown man cry? It is freaking awkward, I mean where do you even look? Do you pat on the back? Do you hug? What exactly are you supposed to do? Nobody teaches you that man. Nobody teaches you shit.) and wail and tear of my clothes in shame. I want to run through the streets, naked but for a strategically placed baseball bat (in my hands) and beat the nearest squirrel to death with it, cursing the day both it and I were born, with a strange dilatation in my eye….. I find it odd to think that I mark Arsenal wins and losses in almost the entirely same manner. It is not something I’m proud off.
Regardless, we Arsenal fans are accustomed to criticism. We ride wave after wave of negativity spun by the press, pundits, opposing fans, single mothers, that bloke down the road and the ward clerk at work, but we fight on, because we are a bunch of proud bastards.
This video has come the closest to making me cry in the last 10-15 years of my life. The last time I encountered this cusp was when Goran, a midfielder on my then football team (Pitshanger FC) placed all his weight, via studded boot, carefully on the contents of my scrotal sac. I have never been more emotional at any event in life until this video. Apart for a foul, deceitful, myopic, underhand, unfaithful, unbecoming, egotistical, dissenting, insufferable, smug, self-gratifying and un-endurable Dutch skunk, this video makes me proud to be an Arsenal fan. It makes me happy and that I will take.