What social class are you?

Of course, when the BBC hosted their recent class calculator, a pointless affair with the sole interest of reminding us of how poor and worthless we are and how much lower than the rest of civilised society we had become, I simply had to take it (I’m a masochist like that). Why put up with just three tiers of classes – you can have seven. That’s right, why be in the bottom 1-2 thirds when you could be in the bottom seventh. That ought to remind you what a worthless pleb you are. Take the bleedin’ test and go and cry in a corner. You idiot.

In all seriousness, I had genuinely presumed I would fall nicely in the middle, ensconced half way between Little Britain down the road and Mr and Mrs Double-Barrelled-Surname, who are of course related to the Queen via some baron whose name they can’t quite pronounce (Is it German?), who seized some land, back in the days where men wore skirts but called them tunics, from some under-achieving peasant (much like yourself) and gave a share of it to some bigger baron and they became bum chums for ever more. I’m a little hazy on the facts but that is the history of Britain in a nutshell. I’m pretty sure that is an accurate representation of feudalism. Your ancestry is based on how much of an absolute arsehole your great-great-great grandad was.

I digress, my point being I thought I was middle class. I am a doctor (apparently) and I earn a comfortable salary, enough for me to happily fill my petrol tank up at the start of every week and resist the urge to tear the eyes out of the petrol station worker because HE SHOULD DIE FOR THOSE PRICES, IS HE INSANE? Ahem. As it happens, I am what the BBC term an emergent service worker. In their definition

This new class has low economic capital but has high levels of ’emerging’ cultural capital and high social capital. This group are young and often found in urban areas.

This makes me sound like I should be on Attenborough.

And the adult male, having scavenged a meagre income for the day, falls asleep on the tube on the way home, gently scratching his balls into oblivion….


You should take it, simply to contribute to the census. Or not. I don’t really care, but I would however recommend taking the Daily Mail Class Calculator  which is much more accurate method of determining how xenophobic, bigoted and entitled upper class you actually are.


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