in·ter·view /ˈintərˌvyo͞o/ Noun A meeting of people face to face, esp. for consultation.

I saw my registrar with cocaine did I? What do I do? Well of course this is a delicate situation and requires the utmost of tact and so initially, I would do would want to seek more information and… WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?? IS THAT EVEN A FUCKING THING? DOES THIS EVER EVEN REALLY HAPPEN??

Interview are the worst aren’t they? Sat in some pretentious hotel in Leeds, which thinks it’s in London, but is actually in Leeds and where the hell is that anyway (doesn’t the world stop north of Birmingham?) is one of the most artificial situations we can put ourselves through in life and is only compounded when Mr Nose Hair (does he know what nose hair clippers are?) who is barely registering the words coming out of your mouth, asks you what you would do if you found your registrar with cocaine?

You mean besides asking him to share it with me? You mean besides thinking about what sort of moron brings class A substances into the Doctor’s Mess and sits them up alongside a homemade ham and cheese sandwich? You mean besides wondering what kind of idiot is caught by me, hardly Colombo, who is more likely to be caught startled under the sudden revelation that he has fingers, than notice his registrar is carrying more talcum powder than usual? What would I do?

I know, I know, that this is an exercise in principles and not product. I understand we are being assessed on our cognitive process as opposed to what ever contextual rubbish that happens to tumble out of our mouths. Of course I would act professionally and appropriately, but what importance does that carry in an interview situation? Do you think my ability to phrase answers coherently, in a systematic manner reflects my ability to think in the same way and simultaneously remove your tonsils? Of course not. This is simply a game, an act, and I am left wondering who has actually being fooled. Us, the interviewees for playing the mindless dirge or the interviewers for tapping their feet along so tunelessly.

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Good interviews do not always reflect good doctors. Good doctors do not always give good interviews. Perhaps I am being shortsighted and don’t know of any statistics to say otherwise, but I feel the selection process has been incontrovertibly tainted by awarding marks for whatever clown gives the best performance on the night. I cannot be the only one who feels that surgical aptitude should be based upon a subjective review over time and not over 6 stations in the city of Leeds, who do not even have a premiership football team and who’s greatest output has been an ENT registrar who spent most of his first year, on the phone, simultaneously walking and talking into a wall with genuine zeal. Seriously, I know that guy.

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2 thoughts on “in·ter·view /ˈintərˌvyo͞o/ Noun A meeting of people face to face, esp. for consultation.

  1. Warning: This is nowhere near as interesting as your post.

    I was once asked to sit on a panel to select a new Kindergarten teacher. Three ‘ordinary’ people deciding the future of a highly trained professional. And how do you reckon we decided?
    I’m glad you asked.
    To start with one of my fellow deciders wanted all typewritten applications rejected.
    My other fellow decider wanted all hand written applications rejected.
    This was an excellent start and I suggested that we adjourn to the pub but I was outvoted 2 to 1.
    In the end we (I say we, but my lack of ‘powers of persuasion’ meant that I got outvoted on almost every front) employed the second best candidate.
    Why, I hear you ask? (you are still reading, aren’t you?)
    Because she was physically bigger than the ‘clearly’ more qualified candidate. I wont bore you with why being physically bigger was important because you have suffered enough, but suffice to say that you should never take it personally if you do, or do not get any position, opportunity, job, conviction, or prize based on an interview………… people are crazy and people on interview panels are doubly so.

    Terry

    1. Hey man

      Thanks for the story, and I get where your coming from. The mature part of me is glad the process is over and hopes the best man wins. The 16 year old in me however, wants to slap the interviewers in the face with my penis. Swings and roundabouts…

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